Things We Like About McCain's VP Pick

We won't get into how we're voting in '08, other than to say the answer my friend, is 'blowing' on the hood of our Benz. Sniff, sniff.

But that said, McCain's latest 'stroke' of 'genius' in picking self-proclaimed 'hockey mom' and former beauty pagent runner-up, Sarah Palin does have a lot of potential upside. Don't strain yourself - we'll explain.

1) Pro-Rape Platform.

Palin supports banning all abortions - even in instances of rape and incest. Now maybe this isn't a problem in Alaska, where I'm sure there's fewer sexual predators on the loose than handicap-accessible toilets, but for us, we're just thrilled to see someone who finally recognizes that the spermatazoa of a soon-to-be-convicted felon ranks higher than the rights of the rape victim in the eyes of the law. And with no rape-related abortions, pretty soon we'll have a bunch of little inbred, rapist-offspring running around, leading to higher crime rates, and more Republican landslide victories in November! Brilliant.

2) Higher Teenage Pregnancy Rates.

Along with Palin's evangelical, pro-life, abstinence-oriented stance on reproductive issues, we can look forward to a lot more unwanted white babies being put up for adoption - and just in the nick of time. Let's face it - there's simply not enough to go around as it is, and with Brangelina and TomKat snapping up all the cute little third-world kiddies, something's got to give. It's simple supply and demand, holmes.

3) Northern Exposure.

Man, that TV show rocked. Maggie was hot. And this Palin chick was the mayor of a town just like the one in the show. TV, good. Change, bad.

4) Invading Canada.

Now that our VP-to-be's foreign policy credentials hinge on Alaska's precarious geo-political positioning between Russia and Canada, we can all look forward to finally KICKING A LITTLE CANADIAN ASS. My guess is a routine border crossing will go 'awry', thanks to the Mounties inability to correctly pronounce 'ou'. Hope you don't mind a little blood in your maple syrup, America - it could get messy up there once we start dropping bombs.

5) March of the Hill-o-crats.

Of course, we all know McCain's real goal in picking Palin as his VP - stealing votes from the Dems via the defection of disgruntled Hillary-supporters to the RNC. See, McCain figures they'll chase anything with a skirt - and he's right. Nothing like the dangling carrot of female empowerment to get the ol' nags moving your way.

You've come a long way, baby!