More Proof God Hates Poor People

Galveston wiped out by a hurricane? Who cares??? Let's talk about something REALLY important, such as Travis Barker and DJ AM's latest 'mash-up' admist the burning wreckage of what was formerly their private lear-jet. Now maybe you're saying to yourself, 'That's NOT hot, dude' - but we beg to differ. Did you hear what happened to the other four passengers? That's right - they're all dead. And we bet you don't even remember the first thing about them. Why? Because they're penniless, no-name, talentless hacks who couldn't get a photo op if they were on fire - which they were, literally. Meanwhile, two of American's biggest douchebags are kicking back in the finest burn unit money can buy, hooked up to a primo IV drip of morphine, and pissing themselves over all the sweet Florence Nightingale poonanny being shoved in their slightly toasted faces. Plus, they get to finally have all that plastic surgery they'd been planning for months done in one go. And lest we forget, a good plane crash never hurt anyone's record sales. Buddy Holly, Lynyrd Skynrd, Ozzy... the list goes on. Fly a plane into the side of a mountain, bus, whatever, and boom - instant multi-platinum status. Our advice - fire your travel agent. Then hire him as your new business manager - that guy's a GENIUS!!!